Sometimes we need help just below the surface of our lives. And, our path to healing and restoration can come from the most unexpected sources.
This was the case for Sue Kerver, who needed a way to manage depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) — a result from her time as a former front-line responder for the Coast Guard.
Fly fishing was the life-line that she needed to begin healing.
“I think it’s important to talk about mental health,” Kerver stated. “I suffered from PTSD, anxiety and depression, a lot of which resulted from being part of response-based operations.”
When she was on active duty, the emotions became palpable, but, as Kerver explained, “I was responsible and was in leadership positions, so I felt ashamed that I was dealing with anxiety and depression.” Kerver didn’t ask for help because of typical reasons. “When I was on active duty, I was afraid of being judged, medical-boarded or of retribution.”
Kerver served as an active duty Coast Guard member for more than a decade — starting as a non-rate, enlisted in Washington State, and eventually wounding-up in operations and law enforcement in Guam. From there she was stationed on a cutter in Oregon and Kerver eventually attended graduate school in Georgia before moving on to New Orleans and serving as the Public Affairs Officer for Coast Guard District Eight. During her time in Louisiana, she responded to a number of natural and man-made disasters, including the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill.
After separating from the service in 2012, she was called back to active duty and to Washington, D.C. by the Obama administration to assume duties as a media and public affairs specialist for President Obama’s second inauguration. She served just shy of another year, including her time on-call as a reservist.
Post-service, fate eventually intervened. Kerver found her way to a few casting lessons for what would become her first taste of fly fishing. Eventually, she started volunteering with Casting for Recovery, an organization supporting women healing from or battling breast cancer.
Kerver describes her connection with the sport as a “knowing.” She said, “It was a messy endeavor but for me, it was fulfilling. That knowingness made me understand that this was more than an activity; this was a way to get my feet wet and grow and be present without all of the other stuff that was plaguing me.”
After leaving the service, memories as a front-line responder haunted her while other aspects of her life began to unravel. Eventually, the bottom fell out.
“I had a major break in my life, and after my divorce, I felt I was all by myself. I didn’t feel like I had a tribe of people to heal with and connect with — that sense of being alone really exacerbated other problems. Then I found Project Healing Waters. It’s an organization that focuses on veterans who use fly fishing as a means to heal.”
She continued learning as much as she could about the sport, stopped drinking, and sought other resources through the Department of Veteran Affairs to help her on her healing journey. But, Kerver reported, she could not find any women-focused treatment options so she leaned into fly fishing.
“Project Healing Waters gave me some solace. But, I was only one of two women in the program, and I didn’t feel like I connected in a way I needed to with people who understood my unique experiences as a female veteran. When I was on active duty, I had to prove myself and I just didn’t want to do it as a civilian, or with learning how to fly fish.”
That realization sparked her desire to connect with other women through the sport. By 2020, Kerver attended a fly fishing school in Montana for women and used her GI Bill benefits to go through a one-week guide school.
Six months later, Kerver found herself in her Toyota 4 Runner traveling cross-country with her dog, Meatball. She moved from Charleston, South Carolina to Montana and started a program to teach women fly fishing — and to build a women’s fly fishing community for them.
“I discovered the major barrier for women pursuing their passions is either a discussion of fear or a discussion of worth.” Kerver was determined to help lead and balance that inner conversation for women. Her organization, Two Gals and a Boat, was born. She even has a spinoff effort sharing stories of empowering women on her podcast, Two Gals and a Mic.
Kerver is now in her third year of teaching women fly fishing and has been a fly fisher for more than ten years. She is currently teaching 16 women the basics of the craft over a seven-month course. Her classes include lessons on the importance of environmental conservation and how to protect our natural resources.
“Women from all walks of life show-up and feel excited that they have a safe space to encourage each other and empower one another as they learn together,” she said. “It’s just a beautiful experience. Very powerful.”
This year, Kerver found herself working with Project Healing Waters but this time as a leader rather than participant. A frank conversation in 2023 with their CEO prompted change.
Kerver is co-chairing the organization’s steering committee for Project Healing Waters’ new women’s initiative, Women on the Fly, which will serve women veterans and those identifying as female. “We are creating a nationwide program to create community for women veterans and opportunities for women to be recognized,” she said.
Kerver credits fly fishing as just one of the “tools in my toolkit” that helped her heal and strengthen her mental health. Kerver explained, “There was a lot more I needed to do. I had to address the roots of the issues. I routinely practice gratitude, mindfulness and journaling, which allows me to stay in alignment with my authentic self, and hold a sense of peace. But, it takes work. I was committed to doing the work needed to heal, and that is what has made the difference,” she emphasized.
For many, just like for Kerver, fly fishing has become vital in their own healing journeys and the activity has formed profound meaning. “It is this beautiful dance of being present and being connected. Being in nature allows me to practice mindfulness, gratitude and patience and feel a deep-rooted connection to the movement of the water, and all of the different wildlife and fish that surround me. It reminds me that conservation is important because we have to care for these ecosystems, so they can care for us.”
“I’m appreciative of everything I’ve had to walk through because I wouldn’t be in the place I am right now to help others through their growth,” said Kerver.
Kerver has a message for all women — especially those who have served. “You are more powerful than you think you are. You are not alone and you are not a victim. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is to ask for help and when we’re in a position — offer it.”
-USCG-
Coast Guard Resources: